Weird Things Gay Couples Do: Public Vs. Private

– I wanna go to the movie and be excited. – I wanna be surprised. – I don’t feel that. – Really? There’s… – Hey guys, I think we’re gonna take off. – Ah, gay! (chuckles) – Excuse me? – Uh. – I might be late tonight. (smack) – Gay. (swooshing and creaking) – Well, thank you! – Woop. (squeak and thud) (loud sigh) – You know, can I just get some, like, chicken and steamed vegetables? – And I just want a house salad, no cheese, dressing on the side.

(crunching) – Hi, uh, can I do the rose and rye, like gold dusted? – And, um, Macallan 18 with just one ice cube. – Ooh, fancy. Hmm. – Beer in can, beer in a bottle? – Beer in a bottle. – Ooh, fancy. – You’re a trickster. – I am. Ticked you into staying with me. – That’s true. (smack) (loud background conversations) – Aren’t you freezing? – No. – Do you want my coat? – No, no. I look super cute. (exasperated sigh) – Mmm, super cute. – Fuck off, I’m cold. – Okay, Banjo. Banjo (clicks tongue) bow! – Aww! – Yeah, I taught him that. (sigh) – Did you teach him this one, too? (exasperated sigh) (sheets rustling) – I don’t want to go. – I love you. – I love you. – I love you. I love you more. – This is not true. – Yeah. – I am the one who loves you more. – I’ll miss you. – I’ll see you at home? – Yes, I will see you at home. (sigh) – Hey, I love you. (smack) – I love you, too.

– Gay! (chuckles) It is gay, it is gay. (swooshing and squeaking) .

Moments That Won’t Make Sense To Straight Girls

– Hey babe, yeah, I’ll pick you in like, 30 minutes. I’m still getting ready. (clipping nails) ‘Kay, see you soon. (heavy bass instrumental music) Katelin, you look amazing today. – Oh, thank you. My boyfriend actually bought me this dress. – Lesbians can’t have sex. – Really? ‘Cause lesbians orgasm 75% of the time during sex, while straight girls only orgasm 61.5% of the time. So, yeah, we can. – Mom, I’ve met a girl. Yeah, she’s awesome. Well, we’ve been on three dates so we uh, bought a shelter cat to celebrate. – I came seven times last night. – Oh, seven times, that’s just rude and excessive. Ugh, honestly. – Hey babe, can you um, put it on? – Yeah, okay.

One sec. (pulling velcro apart) Okay. Sorry, just, just one sec. Um… (pulling velcro apart) Hold on, it’s just, it’s all twisted. It’s just all… – You know what? I can totally turn her straight. (woman sighing) – So before I prescribe you this medication, is there any chance you could be pregnant? – Oh, God no. – Are you on birth control? Do you just have sex with your husband then, is what you’re saying? – Hey Tan, what are you doing? – Looking for a girl who hasn’t dated one of my exes or friends. – Hey guys, I just started watching The L Word.

(girls sighing) – (bleep) Jenny. – Hey Tan, we need a pitcher for our softball team. – What, just ’cause I’m gay you think I play softball? Alright, let’s go. – Do you just keep that on you at all times? – Yeah. .

6 Satisfying Moments Queer Women Understand

– Next week, on the 400. – I love you. – I love you, too. – Yes! Maggie, Lily didn’t die this week. (upbeat music) – You know, you look very nice today. – Thank you. Are you flirting with me? – Yeah, yes, yes I am, thank you. – You know the new girl, Cara? – Yeah. – Do you know what, like, her deal is? – Well I heard that she broke up with her girlfriend like a couple weeks ago, but… – So one could argue that she’s like, queer? – Yeah, I mean I think so.

– This guy needs to stop. – So could I get your number? – Actually I’m a lesbian. – And here come the gross comments. – That’s chill, talk to you later. – So do you have a boyfriend? – Um… – Or a girlfriend? Or a partner? – No, I’m telling you, Kristen Stewart’s gay. – No, she’s dating Robert Pattinson. Their love is eternal. Kristen Steward and girlfriend Soko hold hands. – Told ya. (upbeat music) – And their love is eternal. – Totally wishin’ she had pussy. (laughing) .

Dating Problems Every Lesbian Will Recognize

– So I guess this is good… bye. Hey, you still have my Buffy season two DVDs! You bitch. – Aw, Britt, don’t look so sad. It’s been like a month since she’s broke up with you. Come on, you gotta get back out there. – I went on, like, three dates last week, and they were all failures. – What happened? Were they horse lesbians? – No, this was actually a blind date that I had high hopes for. You know, got my puss waxed for it. But I get there, and she’s practically my twin. Like, I’m narcissistic, but I’m not gonna have sex with myself. – It could be fun though.

You guys could like, trade lives like in The Parent Trap. – That was a good movie. – Yeah, but what about your second date? What was wrong with her? Was she a CrossFit lesbian? Like show up with a tractor tire and a kettle bell? – No, second one was actually going really well until her ex-girlfriend showed up out of nowhere and declared her undying love for her and that she built her house with her bare fucking hands. – Aww, that’s so romantic. – U-Haul! Typical. – What about the third date? Lucky number three? – No, that was the worst of all. – But it looks like it’s going so well. – No, look closer. We have the same name. Hi, my name is Brittany, and this is my girlfriend, Brittany? That’s disgusting. What would that wedding invite look like? – I mean, have you tried online dating? – Yeah. I’ve swiped ’til the end of Tinder.

Do you know what that feels like? – No! – We met in person. – Like, years ago. – Yeah, before Tinder. – I’m sure there are plenty of single lesbians left for you in this town. – Yeah, we have a lot of single lesbian friends. – Like Jacqueline! Ok, I met her and a feminist friend. She’s very empowered. She talks about vulvas and how they mean something more than what we think they mean. – No, she hooked with my ex like two years ago at Dina. – Hold on to your taco shell because here comes Cynthia! – Oh, she’s great. – Yeah, I know she’s great. I dated her. – We have a bunch of straight girls who I feel like if you got them a glass of wine things would get a little crazy, right? Like Marsha? – No, I’m done with the whole straight girl thing.

I can’t do that anymore. They think my clit is a pencil eraser. – No, I know that my sister would sleep with you. – She said I was pretty for a lesbian once. I just wanna find a nice, available, single woman who knows she’s into other women that’s done experimenting, isn’t going to move into my apartment after two weeks, hasn’t, you know, slept with people I’ve slept with. Is it really that difficult? Thank you. – What are you reading? – I know, I’m a stereotype. – Ooh, yikes, me too. – Oh, incredible. – But at least you’re – not alone. – ‘Sup? You Brittany? I’m Jean. .