– So I guess this is good… bye. Hey, you still have my Buffy season two DVDs! You bitch. – Aw, Britt, don’t look so sad. It’s been like a month since she’s broke up with you. Come on, you gotta get back out there. – I went on, like, three dates last week, and they were all failures. – What happened? Were they horse lesbians? – No, this was actually a blind date that I had high hopes for. You know, got my puss waxed for it. But I get there, and she’s practically my twin. Like, I’m narcissistic, but I’m not gonna have sex with myself. – It could be fun though.
You guys could like, trade lives like in The Parent Trap. – That was a good movie. – Yeah, but what about your second date? What was wrong with her? Was she a CrossFit lesbian? Like show up with a tractor tire and a kettle bell? – No, second one was actually going really well until her ex-girlfriend showed up out of nowhere and declared her undying love for her and that she built her house with her bare fucking hands. – Aww, that’s so romantic. – U-Haul! Typical. – What about the third date? Lucky number three? – No, that was the worst of all. – But it looks like it’s going so well. – No, look closer. We have the same name. Hi, my name is Brittany, and this is my girlfriend, Brittany? That’s disgusting. What would that wedding invite look like? – I mean, have you tried online dating? – Yeah. I’ve swiped ’til the end of Tinder.
Do you know what that feels like? – No! – We met in person. – Like, years ago. – Yeah, before Tinder. – I’m sure there are plenty of single lesbians left for you in this town. – Yeah, we have a lot of single lesbian friends. – Like Jacqueline! Ok, I met her and a feminist friend. She’s very empowered. She talks about vulvas and how they mean something more than what we think they mean. – No, she hooked with my ex like two years ago at Dina. – Hold on to your taco shell because here comes Cynthia! – Oh, she’s great. – Yeah, I know she’s great. I dated her. – We have a bunch of straight girls who I feel like if you got them a glass of wine things would get a little crazy, right? Like Marsha? – No, I’m done with the whole straight girl thing.
I can’t do that anymore. They think my clit is a pencil eraser. – No, I know that my sister would sleep with you. – She said I was pretty for a lesbian once. I just wanna find a nice, available, single woman who knows she’s into other women that’s done experimenting, isn’t going to move into my apartment after two weeks, hasn’t, you know, slept with people I’ve slept with. Is it really that difficult? Thank you. – What are you reading? – I know, I’m a stereotype. – Ooh, yikes, me too. – Oh, incredible. – But at least you’re – not alone. – ‘Sup? You Brittany? I’m Jean. .