That particular show the energy in the room was like, it was electric, it was insane, and every time I would say “I’m gay” when I’d lean forward to the microphone and say “I’m gay” for the rehearsal, every time, I’d sob because I had never said that, you know? I mean, I think I’d said you know once to my mother when I came out, like you don’t walk around saying “I’m gay” to one another because, you know, if you’re in a gay bar, you pretty much like, nobody just goes over and says “I’m gay. “So to say the words “I’m gay” came from such a place of like, you know, like I said it had been shame it had been, you know, just self-hatred and and, you know, all these, all these feelings that society feeds you on a daily basis to tell you that you’re wrong.
So for me to say I’m gay was just this — every, every rehearsal I would sob. I had to finally, for the show, thank God it had all kind of come out of me because I wasn’t supposed to stop but um it was it was a very emotional show. .